There are a few things in life that people say cannot be imagined until you experience them yourself, and most of the time I experience them and think 'was that it?!' BUT 2 things I absolutely could not have imagined or prepared for are No.1 LABOUR!!!! (I will blog about that next) and No.2 The love of a Mother!
Oh my goodness.......... it baffles me, and I have already started crying.
I don't care who reads this post I just need to record this for the sake of my kids.
It will get soppy so be warned.
From the age of about 7 I have been in to babies in a big way, I loved holding them, I even loved changing their nappies cos it would mean I would get to hold them. I used to wish somebody would let me look after their baby over night so I could pretend to be their Mum LOL kids just made me so happy and I couldn't imagine having a baby of my own feeling any cooler than that.
Then Gracie came along and EVERY SINGLE new thing she does just MELTS me. When she smiles I smile back until my eyes water, when she talks and gurgles I talk and gurgle back until my eyes water, when she rolls over I get down with her and clap and she gets so excited and proud it's so cute my eyes water LOL.
I think to myself every day..............I wonder what Gracie was thinking when she chose ME to be her Mother.
I understand my Mother a lot better since she delivered my baby! I guess every child doubts that their parents love them when they are teenaged and hormonal, but since having my own I KNOW my Mother loves me and I KNOW that everything she does whether I like it or not is because she wants me to have the best in life. A mothers love for a child is UNCONDITIONAL.
My favourite time of the day is when she wakes up from a nap, I walk in and put my head in her bassinet and when she sees me she startles, her eyes get MASSIVE then she registers and gives me the HUGEST smile ever IT IS BEAUTIFUL.
When I am moody with Haydn (sorry babe it's just the hormones) and I am upset I look down and Gracie and she will look up at me go OOH OOH and then smile at me and I can't help but smile back (I just have to hide that bit from Haydn) like she has no idea what is going on, and she still loves me even if I am being an unreasonable physcopath.
When I have to get some housework done I sit her down and she follows me around the room with her eyes and when I catch her staring I give her a smile she gives me the cheekiest grin with dimples and I just want to squeeze her LOL
I am reading this all back and this post doesn't even do justice to how IN LOVE I am with this child and nobody else can love her like I do, so it's my job to protect her and make sure nobody hurts her or breaks her heart cos mine would break too.
I can't watch TV shows if children get hurt in them anymore, it's too hard to comprehend that ever happening to my child. I see all those starving children and I just wish I was rich so I could feed them all, cos even Gracie going half an hour late for a feed sends me into panic mode, can you imagine how hard it is for the mothers of those children to watch them starve and be completely HELPLESS!
My prayers are 90% thanks since Gracie has been born, just for that fact that I have a healthy child, I have a home and I have food in my fridge when so many people don't.
She slept through the night from 5 weeks, when she cries I can always give her what she needs and she stops, I don't have to play the guessing game for long.
Maybe my next child will challenge me a little more, I truly don't know what I did to deserve this child, the only thing I can think is that maybe she is my reward for such a HORRIFIC labour.
Point is I don't know how I could explain to any woman not yet a mother what it feels like to be one. All I can say is 'have one NOW and see for yourself'
Everyone told me to wait before I had a baby and some people thought I got pregnant too quick, but I don't regret it for a second, I cannot imagine my life without my new little family and I will never discourage anyone from having a baby. Sure they are expensive and sure they are tiring and they poop EVERYWHERE and when they hurt you hurt worse and when they cry you want to cry too, but it is by far the most rewarding and joyful experience of my life.
So I encourage everyone to DO IT (literally), GET married and GET going! xxx
Where the heck did these ice blocks go they where my fav?
Well Bevin is in the MTC and is probably overwhelmed with being a missionary. It was a good last 5 days with him. We went to the temple twice, Ayuri got baptised, Bevin was set apart as a missionary and we played so much Zarahemla I'm satisfied if i don't play if for a while (unless you wanna play it then ill carve you like a chainsaw on a Christmas turkey). Anyways awesome experience. He seemed a lot more prepared than I was when I went out. His setting apart as an elder was really good and specific. I was surprised at how the whole ward was behind him and was excited for to see him go also. I know he will make a great missionary and look forward to hearing his stories and experience that will change his life forever. 
but it was still frustrating me, so on my playdate at Carlys house this week I remembered that she puts Ashton (her little guy)in front of a mirror for tummy time so I tried it and Voila! Gracie...........you're so vain! It was instant, she didn't flop once, I was on the sideline cheering and smiling and talking and she didn't even acknowledge I was there! She went for about half an hour staring at herself, talking to herself, smiling, dribbling! It used to be over in 2 minutes when she would start licking the carpet. 
But she didn't even squirm so I won't stop her wearing them, who knows how long it was in her face! Oops, oh well, you know what they say, Pain is Beauty, you're just going to have to deal with it Gracie! x
